"The Monster Rancher Christmas Story"

By: TobyKikami

(excerpt from program)


The Narrator: Monol

Mary: Holly

Joseph: Genki

The Donkey: Tiger of the Wind

Baby Jesus: Mocchi

The Angel: Pixie

The Three Wise Men: Gali, Grey Wolf, and Naga

The Shepherds: Ed, Alan, and Suezo

The Sheep: Worm

Herod: Moo

The Innkeeper: Hare

The Heavenly Choir: Captain Dino, Captain Zuum, Captain Kuro, Captain Jell, Captain Weed, Captain Evil Hare, Stone Dragon, random Cabalos, Captain Ebony, Captain Salamander, Lilim, the Wild Bunch, Falcon, Centaur, Celious, Dragoon







~Thank you and enjoy the show!~


The curtain opens. The lights are dimmed. Monol stands in the center of the stage, with a spotlight on him. The choir is in what looks like giant bleachers off to one side, except for Falcon and Stone Dragon, who just stand. Their heads almost reach the ceiling.

Monol: I am Monol. My story is my purpose... Oh. Sorry. Wrong story.

Colt: (backstage, quite loudly) Satya, we need another lightbulb for the star!

Satya: (backstage, even louder) And lightbulbs grow on bloody trees, do they?!

Monol: Now, there was Joseph and Mary. And Mary was with child. And...

Expectant silence. Monol blows out a snot bubble. Groans from the audience. A scuffle has broken out in the bleachers.

Captain Zuum: If you don't stop poking me this instant I'll- I'll take your arm off! I will!

Captain Dino: You're the one who's stepping on my foot!

Satya: (backstage) We haven't got any more lightbulbs.

Kisara: (backstage) Thanks to who, I wonder?

Colt: (backstage) What happened to the one that was there, anyway?

Joker floats onstage, waves a lightbulb at the audience, and ducks back into the wings.

Satya: (backstage) Beats me.

Kisara: (backstage) The idiot's dozed off!

Colt: (backstage) Oh, forget him. I'll do it. Get those two on now. Golem, the lights, if you please.

Half the stage is lit up, revealing a stand-up cardboard town, with what looks like a cross-section of a barn. Genki, Tiger, and Holly enter, Genki in a bathrobe. Holly rides on Tiger and her feet drag on the floor. The three of them give Monol an odd look, then proceed past him to a cardboard building with a sign on it saying THE INN, in large letters. There is a square hole cut in it, through which one can see the supports.

Colt: (offstage, apparently using a microphone) And Joseph and Mary came to an inn, and asked for a room.

Genki: Hello? Anybody home?

Hare pokes his head through the hole.

Hare: >_^ Sorry, we're all booked up. Try the barn next door.

He pulls his head back. Genki, Holly, and Tiger are headed for the cross-sectioned barn when the rest of the cardboard town begins to topple over. They turn as the last one falls to reveal Hare dashing offstage, then they sigh and go into the barn. The lights on that half of the stage go off, while the ones on the other half go on, revealing Alan, Suezo and Ed. Alan and Ed are wearing more bathrobes and holding sticks. Suezo has a cloth draped over the top of him. Alan's Worm, with cotton balls glued on, "grazes" on green felt. The lighting is still quite dim.

Ed: Don't you think it's kind of stupid to have three shepherds for one sheep?

Alan: >_< Oh, shut up.

Colt: (offstage) ... and there were three shepherds. And then an angel came.

Pixie flies onstage, followed by a spotlight. She wears what looks like a long white nightgown with holes cut for the wings, and seems to be charging up a Refreshment, which adds extra glow. Ed squeaks in terror and attempts to hide behind Alan.

Alan: (mutters) That's not an Angel. Angels have haloes. And their dresses are shorter. And they're blond. And-

Colt: (offstage) And the angel-with-lowercase-A said-

Pixie points to the other side of the stage.

Pixie: Get over there!

Alan and Ed obediently troop to the other side while Pixie flies off. The lighting switches to the barn again, to reveal Genki and Holly sitting around and Tiger lying down, with Mocchi seated on a straw-covered bench and waving at everyone.

Colt: (offstage) And the baby Jesus Christ was born. And the heavenly choir did sing with joy, with a lowercase J. (pause, then louder, with emphasis) And the heavenly choir did sing with joy. (longer pause) I said, they did SING with JOY!

Utter silence. Colt appears, marches across the stage, and points a trembling finger at the choir.

Colt: >_<* You do it or I'll- I'll sing instead! With Joy as accompaniment! Do you hear me?

The choir immediately bursts into several different carols at once.

Colt: ^_^ There. That's better.

Colt walks to the center of the stage. A spotlight shines on her and Monol, who is still asleep.

Colt: And the shepherds did admire the baby.

Alan: Um. What a cute little nose?

Colt: And there was a king named Herod.

Moo runs across the stage laughing insanely.

Colt: And he heard about Jesus. And he did send... ah...

She looks down as if searching for nonexistent notes. Meanwhile, the singing begins to die down. Most of it.

Colt: ...ah, three wise guys, to find the child.

Captain Salamander: Yu-Gi-Oh, the king of games! Yu-Gi-Oh-

Colt turns and screams in the general direction of the choir.

Colt: That's not a Christmas carol! Stop it this insta-

Loud thwacking sound.

Captain Salamander: Aagh.

Colt: Thank you, Dragoon. Three Wise Guys? You're on!

Grey Wolf steps tentatively onstage, followed by Naga. Grey Wolf has the straps of a brown bag in his mouth; the bag drags on the stage. Naga carries a fancy-looking plastic hot pepper sauce bottle with the label still on it. More silence.

Colt: Ahem. I said, the three wise guys...

Naga: Gali won't come.

Colt: Pardon?

Satya: (offstage) He's in prima donna mode again.

Grey Wolf: (drops the bag) He got rather upset when he saw the Mocchi...

Colt: Oh. Oh, that's just great. Get his understudy, would you? (pause) I said, get the understudy!

Centaur slowly leaves the bleachers. After a while, he comes on, with a canister of coffee beans and a "this-is-not-happening" expression.

Colt: A star did appear, to show them the way... (mutters) Oh, great.

Satya: (offstage) A lightbulb! Someone must have a lightbulb!

Kisara: (offstage) >_< And if there is one, what are we supposed to do? Fly out and screw it on in front of every-

Joker: (offstage) Ladies, please, calm down. I can take care of this. DEATH ENERGY!

A swirl of bluish light bursts from the wings and makes a hole in the ceiling. Stone Dragon jerks in shock and his head smashes through.

Centaur: O_O

Grey Wolf: O_O

Naga: ^_^ Maybe this thing's not so bad after all!

Colt: O_O (mutters) Joker! I should've known! (normal voice) And so they followed the... supernova...

Centaur, Grey Wolf, and Naga join the others at the barn.

Colt: So the Three Wise Guys did go and admire the baby.

Naga: This is a really dumb-looking baby, especially in comparison to his mom.

Mocchi turns red with outrage. Holly blushes.

Holly: Ah. Um...

Grey Wolf: Shut up, Naga. Well, it's certainly precocious...

Mocchi: Thank you! (pause) What's precocious?

Centaur: ...

Colt: And they did give gifts.

Centaur puts down the canister. Mocchi promptly bites Naga's wrist. Grey Wolf drops the bag and gold coins spill out.

Genki: (amazed) Wow! You're rich?

Hare: (offstage) Yowza!

Tiger: Don't even THINK about it, Hare!

Grey Wolf: Actually, I stole it from Centaur.

Centaur: O_o

Grey Wolf: -_-* Kidding! Grow a sense of humor already!

Colt: And they left, and they did not tell Herod where the baby was... >_<** Naga, I SAID THEY DID NOT TELL HEROD WHERE THE BABY WAS!

Naga: (grumbles)

Colt: And... er... they all lived happily ever after. Except for that whole bit with the crucifixion. Good night, everyone, and sweet dreams!

Colt runs offstage. The curtain falls.

Colt: (offstage) JOKER, YOU ARE DEAD MEAT!