Golem Had His Way...
By Brere Marer
((Cut to Rebels walking through the forest. Tiger suddenly stops.))
Tiger: Something's wrong.
((Everybody except Golem suddenly jumps into a battle stance.))
Golem: Shouldn't we see what it is before we fight it? It might be
Tiger: Over there!!!
((Fires torpedo. Mocchi Moccchi Cannons, Hare Dragon Kicks and Suezo starts
tongue slapping whatever it is.))
((Everyone stops. Thing turns out to be bird.))
Golem: I have had enough violence!!! Innocent animals are being hurt!!! I
((Stalks off stage.))
Director: Golem!!! You can't quit!!! We need you!!! I'll do anything!!!
Director: Well...maybe not ANYthing...
((Golem starts packing suitcase.))
Director: OKAY!!! ANYTHING!!!
Golem: Golem has a few ideas for Monster Rancher show.
((Cut to rebels in a happy field of flowers.))
Golem: This is peaceful. This is nice. No violence.
((Golem starts admiring flowers and giving them names. Hours pass and no
one does anything. Tiger sees a bee and starts to charge his torpedo. Golem
Golem: No, Tiger! Violence is not necessary here.
Tiger: What is this? La-La-Land? I've had enough of you gawking at your darn
flowers!! I quit!!!
Director: NOOOO!!!! TIGER!!!!! YOU CAN'T QUIT!!!! I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!!
((Cut to rebels in a war trench.))
Tiger: The enemy is over this hill. Hit 'em with all you got!!
((Rebels jump out of trench and attack baddies, Tiger ripping everything to
shreds and cursing left and right.))
Genki: This isn't exactly what I'd call a paradise, Tiger.
Tiger: Oh all right, you 2 can have your bazookas.
Genki: That's not exactly what I meant either.
Hare: Your idea of a paradise is a place where you and Holly can make out!
Genki: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN MISTER CASINO DREAMS?!?!?!
Hare: Actually, I had that dream last night.
Mocchi: Mocchi want someplace cute and fluffy chi!
Suezo: Go watch Telletubbies. That should work.
Holly: SUEZO!!! APOLOGIZE TO MOCCHI RIGHT NOW!!!!
Suezo: What are you complaining about?! You can get a free sample of Genki
right over there!!!
((Whole team starts to fight. Whole team quits.))
((Cut to Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, PB&J otter, Rollie Pollie
Ollie, and Stanley walking through the woods.))
((Monster Rancher production crew looks at the director.))
Director: They were the only people I could get on short notice!